Sitting, Wishing, Waiting
by 2kool4skool
Summary: Music is simply an expression of emotion shared with the world and considered art. Sometimes it takes that art to realize your own emotions living within your conscious.
1. Sitting Wishing Waiting Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan nor do I own Sitting, Wishing, Waiting by Jack Johnson.**

**A/N: I couldn't resist using this song because I think it sums up how Woody feels prior to JPF.**

Sitting, Wishing, Waiting

He left her office in anger, she didn't want his ring and she didn't want him. He felt a burning sensation behind his eyelids. He loved her and she wouldn't let him in. She would dangle the bait but when he tried to bite she'd reel in the line. She wouldn't have him, it was time for him to move on past the games, past their dance, to someone who wanted him and would let him love them. As he reached his car he put on the radio and Jack Johnson filtered through the speakers.

_Now I was sitting waiting wishing_

_That you believed in superstitions_

_Then maybe you'd see the signs_

_But Lord knows that this world is cruel_

_And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool_

_Learning loving somebody don't make them love you_

His mind flooded with memories of them. He pictured her smiling face and her laughter. He pictured their kiss in the desert. Tears followed these thoughts and he found himself sobbing.

_Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?_

_Must I always be playing, playing your fool?_

He continued to let his tears escape. "Why won't she just love me?" He is giving up. He can't wait on her anymore. He is tired of being her fool.

_I sing ya songs I dance a dance_

_I gave ya friends all a chance_

_Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you_

_And maybe you been through this before_

_But its my first time_

_So please ignore_

_The next few lines cause they're directed at you_

He remembered what he had just told her, he was ending their dance. He had, had enough of the dance that they played one step forward and two steps back. He wasn't playing anymore, it was over. More tears flooded down his cheeks but he bitterly wiped them away.

_I cant always be waiting, waiting on you_

_I cant always be playing, playing your fool_

_I keep playing your part_

_But its not my scene_

_Wont this plot not twist?_

_I've had enough mystery._

_Keep building me up, then shooting me down_

_Well I'm already down_

_Just wait a minute_

_Just sitting waiting_

_Just wait a minute_

_Just sitting waiting_

He tried several times to change the outcome but she wouldn't budge. She would build him up and shoot him down, but no more, it was over. He was down and he was done and that was all there was to it. Enough was enough.

_Well if I was in your position_

_I'd put down all my ammunition_

_I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long_

_But Lord knows that I'm not you_

_And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel_

_Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do_

She wouldn't change. She was who she will always be, he knew this was for the best. "I wouldn't do this to you Jordan," he cried angrily, "I won't do it anymore, I am tired of being rejected. I am tired of waiting. This is the end."

_Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?_

_Must I always be playing, playing your fool?_

_No I can't always be waiting, waiting on you_

_I can't always be playing playing your fool, foool_

"Goodbye Jordan Cavanaugh," and with that he sped off into the night.

**A/N: Please let me know if I should keep going or just leave it at this. I considered doing Jordan's POV listening to this song but I don't know if I should. **


	2. Sitting Wishing Waiting Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan, nor do I own Sitting, Wishing, Waiting, by Jack Johnson.**

Sitting, Wishing, Waiting

Jordan's POV:

Jordan watched him storm out of her office. Tears poured down her soft crimson cheeks. It wasn't that she didn't like the ring; the ring scared her. Rings mean commitment and that was something she feared. She pictured the painful expression that played across his face when she returned the ring. She switched on the radio to try and lighten her mood. Jack Johnson filtered through the speakers.

_Now I was sitting waiting wishing_

_That you believed in superstitions_

_Then maybe you'd see the signs_

_But Lord knows that this world is cruel_

_And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool_

_Learning loving somebody don't make them love you_

"I do love you," she cried, "I just don't know how to tell you."

_Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?_

_Must I always be playing, playing your fool?_

She felt horrible as she realized she blew her last chance with him, he had waited on her too long.

_I sing ya songs I dance a dance_

_I gave ya friends all a chance_

_Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you_

_And maybe you been through this before_

_But its my first time_

_So please ignore_

_The next few lines cause they're directed at you_

She looked back at the memories of the dance they played all these years, one step forward, two steps back. Why couldn't she just let him in?

_I can't always be waiting, waiting on you_

_I can't_ _always be playing, playing your fool_

_I keep playing your part_

_But it's not my scene_

_Wont this plot not twist?_

_I've had enough mystery._

_Keep building me up, then shooting me down_

_Well I'm already down_

_Just wait a minute_

_Just sitting waiting_

_Just wait a minute_

_Just sitting waiting_

She knew it was over, he wasn't waiting on her anymore. She had shot him down for the last time. It was over.

_Well if I was in your position_

_I'd put down all my ammunition_

_I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long_

_But Lord knows that I'm not you_

_And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel_

_Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do_

Maybe he's right, she thought, we would just kill eachother if we got together. I shouldn't have been so cruel. Tears still flowed down her cheeks and she tried to wipe them away.

_Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?_

_Must I always be playing, playing your fool?_

_No I can't always be waiting, waiting on you_

_I can't always be playing playing your fool, foool_

If only he had have listened to her, she could have said it. She was going to tell him but he left, he wasn't waiting on her anymore. "Happy Birthday, Jordan Cavanaugh," she whispered aloud and once again her birthday was another disaster. Now she had something new to dread about her birthday.


	3. If I Die Tomorrow Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan, nor do I own "If I Die Tomorrow," by Motley Crue.**

**A/N: I thought I would try to keep using songs for this part of the story because I think this song fits.**

If I Die Tomorrow – Jordan's POV

It had been 2 weeks since the ring mishap and her and Woody had tried their best to be friends again. However, everytime she looked in those ocean blue eyes, she felt weak in the knees and wished so much that he would hold her closer like he said he would. They decided not to discuss the matter and instead tried to do everything they use to do, like going out to dinner and to a bar after work or going jogging on Saturday mornings.

This particular Saturday morning, as Woody and Jordan were doing their routine jog, Woody invited Jordan to some bar that was playing music. She decided to lie and say she had a blind date to make Woody believe she had moved on. She wanted to get back at him for the date he had recently went on with one of the female officers at the precinct. The only thing it did however, was start a fight between the two of them. During which, Woody's cell rang and he was called to a scene where two officers had been shot dead by a sniper.

Jordan went with Woody to the scene and started processing. She wanted to help him solve this case to make up for the lie she had told him. However, when she got back to the morgue, to add to her great morning, Garret was suspended because of speculation that he hid evidence in a case 20 years earlier. She was taken from Woody's case and thrown into Garret's case.

She forgot about her fight with Woody and was working her ass off to get Garret reinstated. Unfortunately for Jordan, Garret did hide evidence and she now had to decide whether to turn him in or attempt to solve the case without it.

Garret was brought into the morgue because Slokum discovered that evidence was missing. Garret helped them solve the case and Jordan thought things were finally going right before her cell rang. "Cavanaugh," she said into the receiver.

"Jordan Cavanaugh, this is the hospital. Detective Woodrow Hoyt was just shot in the line of duty. He is being brought in and you are listed as his emergency contact."

"What hospital?"

Jordan practically ran from the morgue, stopping only to tell Lily where she was going. She jumped into her car and could feel her heart pounding against her chest. She tried to calm down by turning on the radio and was met with, "If I Die Tomorrow," by Motley Crue.

_I wake up to find myself_

_After all these years_

_And where all the time has gone_

_Still seems so unclear_

'Cause there's no one else 

_Since I found you_

_I know it's been so hard_

_You should know_

Tears flooded her eyes and her vision became slightly blurred. She wished so much that she hadn't pushed him away.

_If I die tomorrow_

_As the minutes fade away_

_I can't remember_

_Have I said all I can say?_

_You're my everything_

_You make me feel so alive_

If I die tomorrow 

"Please don't die," she cried aloud. "God dammit Woody, don't die."

_It brings out the worst in me_

_When you're not around_

I miss the sound of your voice 

_The silence seems so loud_

_'Cause there's no one else_

_Since I found you_

_I know it's been so hard_

_You should know_

"I love you Woody, you are the only person I want. There is no one else."

_If I die tomorrow_

_As the minutes fade away_

_I can't remember_

_Have I said all I can say?_

_You're my everything_

_You make me feel so alive_

If I die tomorrow 

"If you come through this I promise I won't run away."

_I spent all my life_

_Looking for our innocence_

_I've got nothing to lose_

_One thing to prove_

_I won't make the same mistakes_

_Now I know_

_That everything will be ok_

When I die tomorrow 

"I promise I won't make the same mistakes. I will let you in. Please don't die."

_If I die tomorrow_

_As the minutes fade away_

_I can't remember_

_Have I said all I can say?_

_You're my everything_

_You make me feel so alive_

_If I die tomorrow_

_You make me feel so alive_

_If I die tomorrow_

If I die tomorrow 

"God dammit Woody, I love you. I love you so much, don't die." Jordan screamed these words as she tore down the highway and into the hospital parking lot. Where she threw her car in park and ran inside. Tears were now flowing down her cheeks.

She asked a nurse where she could find him and the nurse pointed behind her. Jordan spun around and saw her farm boy covered in blood, looking weak and vulnerable on a stretcher. She ran over to him and told him what she promised herself she would, "Please don't leave me, I love you." Seven words that seemed simple enough but for Jordan were the most meaningful and powerful words she had ever uttered.


	4. If I Die Tomorrow Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: All sentences in quotations are Woody's thoughts. He wouldn't really be talking in an ambulance, especially when he's losing consciousness.**

If I Die Tomorrow – Woody's POV

Woody pretended that the ring incident had never happened. He had given up pursuing a romantic relationship with her but he refused to lose her as a friend. That was until she told him that she had a blind date. Jealousy surged through him as he pictured her opening up to some guy, trusting him, loving him, marrying him, spending the rest of her life with him. This guy was about to get everything he had ever wanted from her, love, trust, compassion, a future. He loved her. He couldn't even get her to go out with him once other than as friends and here she was going out with some guy in desperation. It was obvious he had never been anything to her but a play toy. He tried to get away from her but his cell rang and he was called to a scene where 2 officers had been shot dead. Jordan followed him to the scene and started processing.

Later he came back to the morgue and discovered Bug and Sydney were assigned to his case. He didn't even ask why Jordan had been reassigned, he was just happy not to have to face her. He became invested into this case to a point of obsession. It was his way of ignoring how much Jordan had hurt him, how much he truly loved her and would never feel that love returned.

Then as though Woody's heart couldn't hurt anymore, Wayne Riggs shot him. The bullet pierced his skin and was buried deep inside. He was barely conscious and the only thing that he could see was Jordan.

When an ambulance arrived, they loaded him inside. The driver had music on low but he could make out the words. It was "If I Die Tomorrow," by Motley Crue.

_I wake up to find myself_

_After all these years_

_And where all the time has gone_

_Still seems so unclear_

_'Cause there's no one else_

_Since I found you_

_I know it's been so hard_

_You should know_

"God dammit Jordan, why can't you just love me."

_If I die tomorrow_

_As the minutes fade away_

_I can't remember_

_Have I said all I can say?_

_You're my everything_

_You make me feel so alive_

_If I die tomorrow _

"All I wanted to do was love you. You've been the most important thing in my life these last four years and you couldn't return that."

_It brings out the worst in me_

_When you're not around_

_I miss the sound of your voice _

_The silence seems so loud_

_'Cause there's no one else_

_Since I found you_

_I know it's been so hard_

_You should know_

"Jordan those other women were nothing to me compared to you. I only used them to get you, to make you see that I couldn't wait forever. You're the only one I've ever wanted."

_If I die tomorrow_

_As the minutes fade away_

_I can't remember_

_Have I said all I can say?_

_You're my everything_

_You make me feel so alive If I die tomorrow _

"You mean the world to me Jo and now I'm going to die before I can tell you that."

_I spent all my life_

_Looking for our innocence_

_I've got nothing to lose_

_One thing to prove_

_I won't make the same mistakes_

_Now I know_

_That everything will be ok_

_When I die tomorrow _

"I spent the last four years looking for a purpose in this relationship and I realize now there wasn't one. You've moved on and when I die you'll get past it. I made the mistake of hanging on when you made it clear we were better off as friends. I should have let go but now I'm ready, I just wish I wasn't going to die before I talked to you one last time."

_If I die tomorrow_

_As the minutes fade away_

_I can't remember_

_Have I said all I can say?_

_You're my everything_

_You make me feel so alive_

_If I die tomorrow_

_You make me feel so alive_

_If I die tomorrow_

_If I die tomorrow _

"I love you Jordan Cavanaugh, but I'm ready to let go. I can't have you if I'm dead but truth is I could never have you when I was alive."

At this point Woody lost consciousness and only gained it slightly as he was being wheeled into the hospital. He scarcely remembered Jordan say something along the lines of "I love you. Please don't leave me." He knew that was ridiculous, he knew she never wanted him, that this was part of her game. It was something he couldn't play anymore. If he survived, he was not going to bend to her will, in fact, it would be best for him to just kick her out of his life now forever.


	5. Pieces of a Dream Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan, nor do I own, Pieces of a Dream by Anastacia.**

**A/N: The idea to use this song comes from Kaeleighs Justice on the Coffee Rooms Board and I hope she doesn't mind me using it, but I think it's perfect. All credit for the song goes to her and if you haven't seen her W/J video she made, I highly recommend that you check it out because it is awesome.**

Pieces of a Dream – Jordan's POV

After being thrown from his hospital room, Jordan went home to drown her sorrows with a bottle of scotch. The next morning she made her way back to the hospital and was told Woody would be okay. She went to see him again, but he wasn't the same, he wasn't her farm boy anymore. In anger he threw her out again, telling her he didn't want her in his life. Reeling from being rejected twice, she went back to work and the walls went back up. She avoided her co – workers and stayed out of trouble, spending each night drinking away his memories. On this particular night, Jordan turned on the radio while she did her paperwork. Anastacia filtered through the speakers and she just listened in awe because the words hit close to home.

_I thought I saw you late last night _

_But it was just a flash of light_

_An angel passing _

_But I remember yesterday _

_Life before you went away _

_And we were laughing _

_We had hope and now it's broken_

Jordan pictured her and Woody, dancing, laughing, holding one another. Now he was gone from her life. She could still feel his hand pull away from her grasp. She lost her farm boy..

_And I could see it clearly once _

_When you were here with me_

_And now somehow all that's left are _

_Pieces of a dream_

Jordan felt her eyes start to burn and her vision became blurred. All she had left of Woody were her memories and they seemed so tattered. All he was, was pieces of a dream.

_And now I'm lost in restless nights _

_Just a whisper of the life _

_That we created _

_Shadows falling _

_I am calling_

She could no longer sleep without dreaming of him. Each time she closed her eyes, his blazing blue eyes stared back at her. She realized her life revolved around him. Her life could only be vibrant when he was in it.

_And I could see it clearly once_

_When you were here with me _

_And now somehow all that's left are _

_Pieces of a ..._

She rubbed her eyes with her hand and tried to focus on her paperwork, but the image of Woody's face would not dissipate from her mind.

_The faded photographs _

_The frames of broken glass _

_The shattered memories _

_Time will soon erase _

_All these souvenirs _

_Falls from a thousand tears_

_But when I wake up you are never there_

Her world seemed shattered without him in it. Her world was off balance. He held her together and he was gone. Her dreams are all she has left of him and they are barely a comfort as they fade with time. She's cried so many tears over him, lost so many nights of sleep because of him and every morning she just reminds herself, she lost him and he will no longer be there to pick up the pieces of her life. She had lost Garret, Woody and her father. She lost every man she loved and she couldn't make the pain disappear.

_We had hope and now it's broken _

_He was gone and she was broken._

_And I could see it clearly once _

_When you were here with me _

_And now somehow all that's left are _

_Pieces of a ..._

She no longer had plans for her future. The only thing she could do now is build up an emotional wall and keep together the pieces of her life. However, it was easier said then done as she stared at the newspaper on her desk. Wayne Riggs was still MIA and Woody still wouldn't return her calls.

_And I could see it clearly once _

_When you were here with me _

_And now somehow all that's left are _

_Pieces of a dream_

That was all he was and would ever be, pieces of a dream. "God dammit, I miss you Woody," she cried into her empty office as Lily knocked on the door.


	6. Pieces of a Dream Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Sorry, it's taken me so long to post. This is my first day off in three weeks. I am going to try and update more regularly. **

Pieces of a Dream: Woody's POV

Woody had pushed her out of his hospital room and his life. This was what he wanted, what he had planned. He couldn't figure out why he felt so empty and alone. Sure he had plenty of friends at the precinct but none of them compared to what he had had with Jordan. He stared at the file on his desk and hoped that the captain would soon free him of the shackles of desk duty. To ease his aching head and to take his mind off of Jordan's golden eyes, he flipped on the radio. Anastacia filtered through the speakers and the lyrics tore through his heart.

_I thought I saw you late last night _

_But it was just a flash of light_

_An angel passing _

_But I remember yesterday _

_Life before you went away _

_And we were laughing _

_We had hope and now it's broken_

He could feel her in his arms as they danced to the music. He could hear her laughter as he held her close. He could smell her perfume as it lingered in the air around him. He hated that he would never hold her again.

_And I could see it clearly once _

When you were here with me 

_And now somehow all that's left are _

_Pieces of a dream_

He shook his head to free his mind of her. He couldn't. He pictured her face as he threw her out of his room. Pain reflected in the depths of her eyes that were swelling with tears. He couldn't have her. She couldn't be anything more than pieces of a dream.

_And now I'm lost in restless nights _

_Just a whisper of the life _

_That we created _

_Shadows falling _

_I am calling_

He felt anger surge through him again. Why did she have this effect on him? He just wanted to let her go and get on with his life. He couldn't sleep at night because of her. Her shadow was permanently pressed into the depths of his mind.

_And I could see it clearly once_

_When you were here with me _

_And now somehow all that's left are _

_Pieces of a ..._

Why did she have to wait until his most vulnerable moment to beg him to stay with her? This made him angrier, all the hope he had for them over the past four years had dissipated in the gunfire and then she comes waltzing in saying the words he yearned for her to say. Their timing was always wrong.

_The faded photographs _

_The frames of broken glass _

_The shattered memories _

_Time will soon erase _

_All these souvenirs _

_Falls from a thousand tears But when I wake up you are never there_

His memory wouldn't let him move on. It wouldn't let him let go of her. She'd stay a shattered memory. He hoped that with time, his mind would erase her. Her smell, her taste. He hoped he would no longer see her each time he closed his eyes and he would no longer feel his eyes burn at her memory. He needed to move on.

_We had hope and now it's broken_

He had to let go of her. He could no longer hold the hope that had plagued him for four years.He remembered back to the ring, it all went back to that tiny diamond ring. What the hell had he been thinking?

_And I could see it clearly once _

_When you were here with me _

_And now somehow all that's left are _

_Pieces of a ..._

She was simply pieces of a dream.

_And I could see it clearly once _

_When you were here with me_

_And now somehow all that's left are _

_Pieces of a dream_

It was all she could ever be. All he could ever hope to have with her, was lost in his memory. She was gone.

_Pieces of a dream_

As Anastacia said her final words, Woody felt tears brim in his eyes. "God Dammit, I miss you Jordan."


	7. Human Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan nor do I own "Human", by The Pretenders.**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. It took me forever to find the right song. It was also a little harder because with all the other songs I was able to listen to them while I wrote, with this song, all I had were the lyrics. I'm hoping to have Woody's POV up by Monday. **

Human – Jordan's POV

Jordan stood paralyzed as she watched him walk away from her. She had to call it in, it was for his own protection but his words, like daggers, had shattered her heart. Tears trickled down her cheeks and she didn't even try to stop them. She stood momentarily in the warehouse, as he walked away from her and then she slowly made her way out to the car.

She replayed what had happened over and over in her mind. She could see Woody standing over Riggs with his gun pressed against Riggs' neck. She had watched the vulnerability and fear pass through his eyes as he explained his father had died at the hands of a punk like this. Then she watched the betrayal pass through his eyes as well, when he realized she had called it in. The worst look of all was the look of indifference he gave her as he walked away.

She flipped on her radio to try and remove the incident from her mind. The song Human, by the Pretenders, flowed through the speakers.

_I play a good game, but not as good as you_

_I can be a little cold, but you can be so cruel_

_I'm not made of brick, I'm not made of stone_

_But I had you fooled enough_

_to take me on_

_If love was a war, it's you who has won While I was confessing it, you held your tongue_

She remembered back to the day in the hospital when he told her to get out of his life. The way he stared at her with such rage. The harsh tone of his words as he said, "Screw your pity." Tears flooded her eyes as she turned on the ignition.

_Now the damage is done..._

She remembered the next day after his surgery, when he threw her out again. She remembered the way he stared at her and the feeling of her heart pounding against her chest.

_Well there's blood in these veins_

_And I cry when in pain_

_I'm only human on the inside_

_And if looks can deceive_

_Make it hard to believe_

_I'm only human on the inside_

She remembered seeing him for the first time after finding the bloody fingerprint on Riggs' neck. The way he looked at her like he had seen her yesterday, "Jordan it's good to see you." He had spoken with such enthusiasm, no regret for avoiding her for two months, for throwing her out after she had told him she loved him.

_I thought you'd come through,_

_I thought you'd come clean_

_You were the best thing I should never have seen_

_But you go to extremes, you push me too far_

_Then you keep going 'til you break my heart_

_Yeah, you break my heart_

She remembered the way he had held her shoulders and looked her in the eyes, begging her not to tell anyone his fingerprint was on the fence's neck. She remembered how his touch had made her heart flutter and gave her hope that they weren't over. She remembered him telling her he needed closure and that he didn't want to push her away anymore. She had felt so hopeful, that everything would be okay.

_See I bleed and I bruise, oh, but what's it to you_

_I'm only human on the inside_

_And if looks could deceive,_

_Make it hard to believe_

_I'm only human on the inside_

Then she remembered the way he lied to her. He said he was going to let the authorities handle it. That he had to get back to his desk job. She felt so lost. She knew what she had to do. She had gone to Sydney to find out where he was going and debated with herself for twenty minutes before she called it in. She had felt horrible after she did so, but she had to protect him. She loved him.

_I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn_

_I'm only human on the inside_

_I stumble and fall, baby, under it all_

_I'm only human on the inside_

Her mind flooded back to after Riggs' was taken away and Woody walked right past her. She tried to talk to him and he didn't want to hear it. She remembered feeling all her hope, that she had for them, crash and burn. He needed help and it was more than she could give him.

_And the damage is done..._

She remembered watching him walk away and the feeling of tears that filled her eyes. She felt her heart shatter in her chest. He didn't want her, he didn't love her and she knew it now. She should never have let him in.

_I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn_

_I stumble and fall, baby, I do it all_

_I'm only human on the inside_

He had done what she had always feared. He had left her like everyone else in her life. Nobody wanted her, nobody would have her. The walls went back up, as she tearfully whispered, "God Dammit Woody Hoyt, I can't stop loving you."


	8. Human Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan nor do I own Human by the Pretenders.**

**A/N: Sorry this has taken longer than expected, I have a lot going on and the show is making me depressed. It made this chapter a little harder to write because I am very mad at Woody. At least when he did this we could blame PTSD, what he's doing now is inexcusable and as far as we know without reason.**

Human – Woody's POV

Woody walked out to his car, climbed in and slammed the door. Then he turned it on and peeled out of the parking lot. He couldn't explain the rage he felt towards her. Everything he had felt for her had turned to anger. She had betrayed him. She had called it in. Deep down he knew she was trying to protect him but he didn't care, it was still betrayal. He flipped on the radio to take his mind off of her. The song Human, by the Pretenders started playing and he listened intently to the words.

_I play a good game, but not good as you_

_I can be a little cold, but you can be so cruel_

_I'm not made of brick, I'm not made of stone_

_But I had you fooled enough_

_to take me on_

_If love was a war, it's you who has won_

_While I was confessing it, you held your tongue_

He thought about the look of hurt that had passed through her eyes as he walked away from her. "No," he told himself, "she hurt me a lot worse." He thought about how mad he was, but was still haunted by the tears that had glistened in her soft golden eyes. He remembered seeing the same look in the hospital, the one he'd called pity.

_Now the damage is done..._

"It doesn't matter now," he told himself. "I'm moving on. She didn't want before I was shot, she can't have me now."

_Well there's blood in these veins_

_And I cry when in pain_

_I'm only human on the inside_

_And if looks can deceive_

_Make it hard to believe_

_I'm only human on the inside_

He remembered the day he had given her the ring. The way she'd stared at it and all his hope had diminished when she'd handed it back. He remembered how rejected he'd felt. These memories reminded him why he was so mad at her in the first place.

_I thought you'd come through,_

_I thought you'd come clean_

_You were the best thing I should never have seen_

_But you go to extremes, you push me too far_

_Then you keep going 'til you break my heart_

_Yeah, you break my heart_

He had tried so hard over the last few years to make her his. She reeled him in and then tossed him away like garbage. He had been a game to her and he had ended it, to save his heart and his ego. However, he still couldn't get that look out of his mind.

_See I bleed and I bruise, oh, but what's it to you_

_I'm only human on the inside_

_And if looks could deceive,_

_Make it hard to believe_

_I'm only human on the inside_

He couldn't forgive her. He couldn't get past the games she had played. It angered him but why did that look haunt his mind? He had loved her, she rejected him, he should have moved on but he was having difficulty.

_I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn_

_I'm only human on the inside_

_I stumble and fall, baby, under it all_

_I'm only human on the inside_

He thought about when he was shot and she'd whispered the words he had waited years to hear, only to find they suddenly meant nothing. It had all been pity. She could never feel for him the way he felt for her.

_And the damage is done..._

So he did what he had to do. He cut her from his life and said goodbye, wishing she would do the same so they could both move on. However, instead she'd found that fingerprint and went looking for him. He had been dreading seeing her for the first time, it was part of his moving on. He had begged her to help him and she had, a way for her to pay him back for all the times he'd risked his ass to save her. They were even.

_I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn_

_I stumble and fall, baby, I do it all_

_I'm only human on the inside_

Then she'd called it in. He had felt so betrayed but he couldn't help but feel guilty. It all came back to that look, the way her face srunched together to keep from crying and her eyes filled with tears. He couldn't erase that image from his mind. However, he told himself, it was time to move on. "Goodbye Jo, I can't play your games anymore," he whispered to the empty car.


	9. Mr Brightside Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. It was hell trying to find the right song. Even when I found this it took me a while and a little coaxing to realize it would work. I'm happy with the end result I like this chapter. I just wanted to point out, in case I'm confusing anyone, the person whose point of view goes first is being caused the most emotional turmoil. That's why Woody's first again in this chapter. **

Mr. Brightside – Woody's POV

Weeks passed and Woody tried his best to ignore Jordan. If their paths crossed, he did everything he could to keep his distance, even if it meant seeing that look in her eyes. He had to move on and so far he wasn't doing so well. He had spent a weekend with Sam in Vegas and even though he'd had fun, he wasn't able to get the thoughts of Jordan out of his mind.

However, then in walked JD Pollack, a reporter with a thing for Jordan. Woody had felt the urge to hit him square in the face when he had asked permission to pursue Jordan. Woody told himself he was moving on and swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat. He had told Pollack to go for it. Hoping in his heart of hearts, Pollack would fail. He wasn't prepared to witness that kiss between them. He had felt yet another urge to hit Pollack, this time to render him unconscious. Instead, he said something about an ice pick and then miserably walked back to his car. He threw on the radio to clear his mind of the kiss he had just witnessed. However, he was having great difficulty thanks to the Killer's as they belted out the lyrics to "Mr. Brightside."

_I'm coming out of my cage_

_And I've been doing just fine_

_Gotta gotta be down_

_Because I want it all_

_It started out with a kiss_

_How did it end up like this_

_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss_

He wanted to let her go. To finally move on and be free. Why couldn't he let go? Was it because JD Pollack was about to get everything he'd ever dreamed about? Everything would have been fine if she hadn't have moved on. If he hadn't have watched her and Pollack as they made out at the crime scene. Woody wasn't an idiot, he knew there was probably a lot more than kissing going on. That thought made him sick to his stomach.

_Now I'm falling asleep_

_And she's calling a cab_

_While he's having a smoke_

_And she's taking a drag_

_Now they're going to bed_

_And my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head_

_But she's touching his chest _

_Now, he takes off her dress_

_Now, letting me go_

Woody knew that if she drove him to work in the morning than he had definitely spent the night. Woody's stomach rolled with nausea as he thought about this. He couldn't get the thought from his head. Jordan had moved on and let him go, to be with JD Pollack. She was over him. He couldn't blame her, he hadn't exactly been civil, but deep down he knew he still loved her and that made everything harder.

_And I just can't look its killing me_

_And taking control Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_

_Swimming through sick lullabies_

_Choking on your alibis_

_But it's just the price I pay_

_Destiny is calling me_

_Open up my eager eyes_

_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside_

He knew he was just being jealous. He had told her to move on. It was his own fault. He should have let her in, but why should he have? She hadn't for four years. Not until he took a bullet to the abdomen, a bullet that grazed his spine, that almost turned him into a paraplegic. He had to let go. It was time, but Pollack was making this a lot harder. He couldn't help but want to cause him physical pain.

_I'm coming out of my cage_

_And I've been doing just fine_

_Gotta gotta be down_

_Because I want it all_

_It started out with a kiss_

_How did it end up like this_

_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss_

He could still see Pollack lean in and press his lips against hers. He remembered back to the desert, to the kiss that he and Jordan had shared. If only that alien psycho hadn't have interrupted them, then maybe things would have been different. Maybe she would have kissed him good bye in the morning rather than JD Pollack, reporter from hell.

_Now I'm falling asleep_

_And she's calling a cab_

_While he's having a smoke_

_And she's taking a drag_

_Now they're going to bed_

_And my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head_

_But she's touching his-chest_

_Now, he takes off her dress_

_Now, letting me go_

He thought about his night with Sam. Did Jordan know what had happened? He heard rumours she'd went to visit Danny, but thought that was stupid. However, Danny had been in Boston. Woody frowned at the thought, maybe she'd slept with him too. In fact Woody was probably the only one who'd never warmed her bed. That was a shot to his ego. He felt his stomach turn again and considered pulling over to throw up on the side of the road.

_Cause I just can't look its killing me_

_And taking control_

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_

_Swimming through sick lullabies_

_Choking on your alibis_

_But it's just the price I pay_

_Destiny is calling me_

_Open up my eager eyes_

_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside_

He knew she wasn't the only one to blame. He was partially at fault. They never seemed to have the right timing, they were always running on different tracks. They couldn't get off the dance floor and now their dance was finally over. He should be happy, no more rejection, no more heartache. He and Jordan could move on, like he'd told her he wanted. However, all he really wanted was to run over Pollack and pull Jordan back into his arms for one more dance. He couldn't help being jealous. He loved her. He may not be the same naïve farm boy that moved to Boston four years ago, he may be harder, he may have an edge, but one thing hadn't changed, Jordan still owned his heart and it would be hell trying to get it back. "God dammit Jordan. God dammit," he muttered as tears slipped down his face.


	10. Mr Brightside Jordans POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: I found Jordan's POV a little more difficult to write. I taped over these episodes so I can't really remember much about the way she reacted in these scenes or her facial expressions. The next one should be easier. I already have songs for them. **

Mr. Brightside – Jordan's POV

Jordan had tried to move on and respect Woody's wishes. She thought it would get easier after what he did to her to find Riggs, however, it wasn't. She'd heard he'd spent some time with Sam from Vegas.That newshad hurt a lot. Especially after she'd already turned down Danny McCoy.

Then JD Pollack had entered her life. At first she'd found him arrogant and annoying but after the kiss they'd shared for the case, she couldn't help thinking about him. He would at least help her get over Woody, or so she thought. So she let him in. She was well aware Woody was watching the kiss between her and JD. She saw him standing there but she couldn't help feeling guilty. As she drove away, she flipped on the radio to get any thoughts of Woody out of her mind. The song Mr. Brightside by the Killer's filtered through the speakers.

_I'm coming out of my cage_

_And I've been doing just fine_

_Gotta gotta be down_

_Because I want it all_

_It started out with a kiss_

_How did it end up like this_

_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss_

She didn't understand how Woody had found his way through the wall she had put up and right into her heart. She had always been able to keep guys at arms length, to protect her from the pain. Woody did one thing, he confirmed her fears, that love equals pain. She shouldn't feel guilty for moving on, it was what he said he wanted. So why did the kiss he'd witnessed this morning, make her feel so guilty?

_Now I'm falling asleep_

_And she's calling a cab_

_While he's having a smoke_

_And she's taking a drag_

_Now they're going to bed_

_And my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head_

_But she's touching his-chest_

_Now, he takes off her dress_

_Now, letting me go_

She thought about how much it hurt to learn he'd moved on with Sam. How she had physically ached. She thought about Danny and how she'd turned him down because she still couldn't let go of Woody. Only to learn that Woody had let go of her that very weekend. She knew he needed help, she just didn't think Sam was the place he'd go for it.

_And I just can't look its killing me_

_And taking control_

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_

_Swimming through sick lullabies_

_Choking on your alibis_

_But it's just the price I pay_

_Destiny is calling me_

_Open up my eager eyes_

_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside_

Was she only with Pollack to get back at Woody? She didn't know. She wanted to like Pollack, to think Woody was not the reason that Pollack had access to her bed. Maybe it was because Pollack was safer, that with him she didn't have to open her heart. She figured Woody was probably jealous, secretly she hoped he was. That he would hurt as much as his indiscretion with Sam had hurt her.

_I'm coming out of my cage_

_And I've been doing just fine_

_Gotta gotta be down_

_Because I want it all_

_It started out with a kiss_

_How did it end up like this_

_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss_

She was moving on, letting go of her fantasies of Woody. Pollack was the ticket to moving on. He could help her pick up the pieces of her life. Maybe she could finally have a real relationship with him. She could at least try. No more games, no more emotional walls. If she was going to prove to herself that she had matured then she had to let Pollack in. She had to give herself a reason to believe that love wasn't as horrible as she feared. That maybe for once she wouldn't have to run, she could just be.

_Now I'm falling asleep_

_And she's calling a cab_

_While he's having a smoke_

_And she's taking a drag_

_Now they're going to bed_

_And my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head_

_But she's touching his-chest_

_Now, he takes off her dress_

_Now, letting me go_

Why should she feel guilty for moving on? Did he, when he jumped in bed with Sam? She doubted it. She remembered when they met Sam and the way he flirted with her shamelessly. Not that she didn't flirt with Danny. That was beside the point. She hadn't slept with Danny. Even though part of her wanted to. Part of her wanted to still know she was desirable, that men still wanted to sleep with her. Was that what Pollack was for? She hoped not, she couldn't let it be. She needed to prove to herself and especially to Woody that she was capable of a real adult relationship.

_Cause I just can't look its killing me_

_And taking control_

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_

_Swimming through sick lullabies_

_Choking on your alibis_

_But it's just the price I pay_

_Destiny is calling me_

_Open up my eager eyes_

_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside_

It was over. Their dance had ended. The thought scared her. How can it all be over after four years? She thought about the dance they had endured, the kisses they'd shared and the near kisses that could have saved their relationship. She thought about the ring, why hadn't she accepted the damn ring? She needed to let go. It was time now, to let go, to move on and pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. "Bye Woods, I wish I still didn't love you," she whispered to her empty car as she brushed away the lone tear that fell down her pale cheek.


	11. This Animal I Have Become Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan nor do I own "Animal I Have Become," by Three Days Grace. **

**A/N: Sorry once again for the delay. I went away on vacation for a week and this is my first real day off in weeks. I also had a little writer's block with this chapter. I already have the next three songs picked out its just a matter of writing storylines to them. As annoying as my procrastination is I'm trying. It's hard to have four stories going at once but I'll get them done. This story won't be finished until I reach Don't Leave Me This Way. Anyway, enjoy. Oh and rating subject to change in upcoming chapters. **

Animal I Have Become – Woody's POV

A week went by and Woody had accepted that JD Pollack wasn't just a one – night stand. She had let Pollack in. That thought angered him. Then again, everything made him angry lately. Any little occurrence made his whole body tremble with rage. He couldn't explain it, but it frightened him. He couldn't be around Jordan without getting mad and he hated his shrink, she was analyzing him way too often and he was getting tired of it. To ease his aching head he turned on the radio and the song, "Animal I Have Become," by Three Days Grace, started playing. He was shaken by how closely the words resembled his own life.

_I can't escape this hell_

_So many times i've tried_

_But i'm still caged inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

He thought about the cases he'd worked since he got back from his recovery. He remembered beating the crap out of the guy who had imprisoned Jordan in the mineshaft. He'd justified that anger with his fear of losing Jordan. He thought of when he'd almost killed Riggs' fence. He'd justified that anger with need and frustration in finding Riggs. He thought about holding the gun tightly against Riggs' neck. He'd justified that anger with his need to give Riggs' the justice he deserved. He also thought about having the widowed woman arrested whose brother was killing people left and right. He'd justified that by telling himself it was the only way to get another cop killer off the streets. Then he thought about the kid who thought he'd killed his teacher and pinning the kid's brother against the wall. He'd justified that by claiming the case hit too close to home, with his relationship with Cal. However, when all these incidents were analyzed together, the only thing they proved was that Woody was a very angry person. If only he'd realized before now.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one would ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal_

_(This animal, this animal)_

He realized now he needed help. He didn't want to be this person anymore. He was scared of who he'd become and even more scared that he couldn't change.

_I can't escape myself_

_(I can't escape myself)_

_So many times i've lied_

_(So many times i've lied)_

_But there's still rage inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare _

_I can't control myself_

He wanted to be himself again, the man he was before the shooting. The man who came to Boston with real hope that he could become the man that he'd always wanted to be, the man Annie's father would be proud to have marry his daughter. How long ago had that man died and been replaced with a bitter, angry, tempermental man, whose only accomplishment was surviving a sniper shot?

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one would ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal_

As much as he didn't want to admit it, he missed Jordan. He missed their relationship. He missed the times when they'd just hang out and hold one another. He missed the times they'd gone out and had fun. He missed her. She wouldn't want him now, he was damaged goods, the shell of the man he once was and could never be again. He knew help at this point was fruitless. He had become an animal, a vicious, angry animal.

_Somebody help me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

_Somebody wake me from this nightmare_

_I can't escape this animal_

Maybe he should just ask Lu for help. Maybe it was time to try and change. It was his only hope. Jordan couldn't help him and by now she probably didn't want to. She has Pollack now and he would never treat her the way Woody did. She deserved someone who didn't get angry over the slightest imperfection.

_This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal_

As Woody thought about it, he realized that he wa an animal. He didn't want to be but he was. He had become an animal that could never be changed. An animal that would spend his entire life becoming angrier and angrier until one day he snapped. An animal that could never be tamed.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one will ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal _

_(This animal I have become)_

The only place to start was his shrink. She was the only person that could help him. The only person that could help him through his anger. He made the decision that was the only thing left to do.


	12. This Animal I Have Become Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Sorry once again for the delay. I'm working on it. It's hard to get it right. I love this song though. I've been waiting to use it for so long. Anyway, once again I warn you rating is subject to change in upcoming chapters.**

Animal I Have Become – Jordan's POV

For Jordan time seemed to stand still. She loved spending time with JD, letting him hold her and be with her. She knew he was a false sense of security. She didn't want to admit it but it was true. He couldn't replace Woody in her heart. At least not yet.

She thought about Woody and how much he'd changed since the shooting. She could still feel his rough, calloused hand pulling away from hers in the hospital. She could still hear his cold, detached words. "Get out now," they played over and over in her mind. She could still see the look in his eyes when he held Wayne Riggs against the car and pressed the steel barrel of the gun against his neck. She could remember the feeling of her stomach twisting into a knot as she watched the transformation of the man she loved to the cold, bitter man, who remained. She could feel her heart shatter every time she thought about the way he spoke to her, his words like daggers stabbed at her heart. She yearned to feel his arms around her just one more time, to see the look he used to have in his eyes, when she'd bring him breakfast or they'd gone out dancing. She missed him so much that it made her physically ache for him, for any physical contact that he could provide. She knew however, that ship had sailed, that Woody Hoyt was no longer the naïve Wisconsin native, but a bitter Boston cop, who'd seen one to many things on the force that had extinguished all his hope for humanity. To push all thoughts of Woody from her mind, she flipped on the radio and was captured by the lyrics of "Animal I Have Become," by Three Days Grace.

_I can't escape this hell_

_So many times I've tried_

_But I'm still caged inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

She thought about Woody and his new personality. She wondered if maybe it was just a case of PTSD and then she realized that maybe he was just finished with her. He never seemed as angry with anyone else as he was with her. His new dark personality frightened her. 

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one would ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal_

_(This animal, this animal)_

He had become like an animal, an untamed, rabid, animal, whenever she was around. Maybe she was safer with Pollack. Even that thought frightened her. Her and Woody had so much history, she'd trusted him so completely and if she couldn't even trust him, how could she possibly trust anyone else?

_I can't escape myself_

_(I can't escape myself)_

_So many times I've lied_

_(So many times I've lied)_

_But there's still rage inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

But what if it was PTSD? His rage would then simply be a symptom. She knew he hadn't dealt with his issues from his childhood, she could sense it in his happy go lucky attitude. Perhaps with counselling, he could overcome said issues and finally heal, finally be freed of the shackles of his anger.

_I can't escape myself_

_(I can't escape myself)_

_So many times I've lied_

_(So many times I've lied)_

_But there's still rage inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

She thought about how he'd used her to find Riggs and then pushed her away like trash. She remembered the coldness in his tone and his eyes. "I never ratted you out." He had been so angry, even though she had saved him. His anger had terrified her.

_Somebody help me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

_Somebody wake me from this nightmare_

_I can't escape this animal_

She had heard things through the office grapevine, things about Woody that scared her. Seely had accidentally let it slip that the man responsible for trapping her and the two young boys in the well came into the precinct quite battered and bruised. She had at first tried to deny Woody doing such a thing. Then she'd forced herself to believe that he did it because he was worried about her but the more she heard, the more frightened she became. Lily came to her after Woody took down the man who'd killed several people in the courthouse and held Lily hostage. Lily had told Jordan she was worried about Woody's anger, that he wasn't himself. Then Garret had come to her about his rage when questioning suspects, that his anger can become so fierce there were times he feared for the safety of the suspect. What had become of her Farmboy?

_This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal_

She'd also heard from Santana that he had been forced into counselling. She wondered if maybe his shrink could tame him, to help him resolve all his pent up anger. She worried however, that perhaps it was too late, that the damage was done.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one will ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal _

_(This animal I have become)_

She wished so much that she could have Woody back. Pollack was fine for now but she knew he could never hold the place in her heart that Woody did, when he wasn't in a blind fit of rage that compared so easily to an animal. She wanted her farm boy back and not an untamed animal that turned on her so viciously.


	13. The Reason Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: I did not steal this song idea from WIWJ. I had this song picked out long before she wrote her story. This song is absolutely perfect for where they are in this part of the season. I love this song and this chapter was hard to write because I don't have this song. My radio station stopped playing it daily a good three months ago. I did the best I could. I know it took a long time and I'm sorry. I'm trying hard to get chapters up as fast as possible but working two jobs and trying to prepare to go back to school as well as moving takes a large portion of my time. **

The Reason – Woody's POV

It was no longer rage eating away at him. It was guilt. Guilt for pushing her away, breaking her heart and for letting her down. He loved her, there was no denying that but love wasn't enough to erase the pain and hurt his anger problems had caused. He couldn't take back the cruel words he'd said, he couldn't take back throwing her out of his hospital room and dismissing her admission of love as pity, nor could he take back his betrayal in his quest to find Riggs. He could only move forward, hoping in his heart of hearts that at least one day she could forgive him.

He'd received counselling and Lu forced him to dredge up many unhappy memories from his past but there had been one thing he'd refused to talk about: Jordan. He couldn't bring her up, he was afraid to have to face his love for her, his guilt and his pent up rage and resentment. He didn't want Lu to know the secrets Jordan had entrusted him with or the love he held for her and the dreams he could not push from his mind. He knew deep inside Jordan was his only reason for getting help. She'd been the main factor, the person he needed to make amends to most and he needed to learn how. Jordan was his reason for moving on and pushing forward. She was the only one that mattered. The only constant in his life.

He thought about what it had meant when she'd called him instead of Pollack, after her car broke down. He wondered what it meant when she'd helped to clear his name. Deep down he knew it was her way of paying him back for all he'd ever done for her. Making them even so she could move on without feeling guilty. It hurt when she'd stayed with Pollack after the article he'd written, but nothing hurt as much as hearing Pollack utter, "I love you." His heart had literally stopped beating, his stomach had burned with nausea and an angry, tense pain, gripped him. He had finally realized he'd lost her.

To take his mind of that fact, he flipped on the radio and Hoobastank filled the air with their song, "The Reason." The lyrics however, did nothing to stop the growing pain that clutched at his heart.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

He thought about how Lu had told him he was controlled by all the guilt that had surmounted over the years. His entire life had left him with so much guilt that he couldn't' sort out anything. He still felt guilty for giving up on Cal and failing him, for leaving Annie after her father's rejection, for all the people he hadn't been able to save, but mostly for doing to Jordan what she'd always feared he'd do. Breaking her heart and leaving her, wounded, vulnerable and alone. He didn't think he could possibly take any more guilt in his life.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is you_

He'd give anything to go back in time and change what he'd done. To take back all the cruel words he'd said. The only thing he could do was change himself now. He needed to start over and he knew the only reason for doing that was Jordan.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear_

He remembered watching the pain that flashed across her face after the times he'd brushed her off. At the time he'd been too messed up to realize that he was hurting her but now the only thing he could do was live with the guilt and he did, everyday he was reminded at just how horribly he'd shattered her heart. He only wished he had the courage to tell her how he felt.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is You _

He thought he'd had the chance when they were working the Kessler case, but he hadn't been able to work up the courage. Then Pollack had shown up, they eventually solved the case and Pollack ended up shot. He'd hoped he'd have another chance after he was cleared for tampering with evidence, but it just hadn't been the right time, he was too emotionally drained from that case. His only chance was their drive to Littleton village. He looked over at her then. Her eyes were directly on the road. She didn't look at him. That hurt.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

He could see the pain he'd caused every time he'd looked her in the eye. He could sense it in her body language. He yearned to reach over and assure her he was sorry but he knew she would not respond well. He'd had his chance at her heart and he'd blown it. The only thing left to do was move on.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is you_

He wanted so much to go back to the way things were. Even just to go out to dinner and go dancing. He just wanted her friendship back. He just wanted to talk to her and spend time with her. He just wanted her. She was the reason he fought to get better. She would always be the reason.

_I've found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do_

_And the reason is you_

She looked over at him. "Are we almost there?" she asked softly.

Woody nodded, but inside found his head screaming, "No, we're never going to get there. We'll only get further apart."

He yearned to slip his fingers into hers and be close to her, but he knew his head was right. The closest they came was his shooting and he managed to drive them further apart. No apologies could fix the damage he'd done. He could only move on and so could she, running parallel as their paths would never cross again.


	14. The Reason Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan, nor do I own "The Reason," by Hoobastank.**

**A/N: Jordan's POV was actually harder to write than Woody's. I kept using too much repetition. I know I said I'd have my stories finished before the premiere. I can't promise that anymore, there is just too much going on in my life right now but I can promise you that any chance I get to write and work on my stories, I do. I also want to remind you that as of the next chapter, the rating jumps up to Mature. **

Jordan's POV – The Reason

Jordan had noticed the change in Woody. He'd been more like his old self recently, more like her Farmboy. The anger was gone. She wondered if it had to do with his obvious jealousy of Pollack. Then again maybe he'd finally been able to move on. She knew he was receiving counselling, both Santana and Seely had made sure she knew it. Or maybe he was just grateful because she'd helped to clear his name. Although, he had been being nice to her long before that. She'd started to feel close to him again during the Kessler case. It had been an awkward closeness but it was better than his fits of rage. She couldn't help but think about a future with Woody. She knew that Pollack was offering her a chance to finally move on and leave the dance floor her and Woody had been trapped on for four years. However, that frightened her. She wasn't sure she was ready to move on and leave Woody behind. He'd been a constant for too long now. He'd been such a huge part of her life, over the past four years, that the very idea of letting him go, made her sick.

Yet here they were, driving, alone, in the car out to Littleton village, being offered a chance to finally talk things out and neither one could instigate the conversation. Jordan watched as Woody flipped on the radio to fill the hollow silence. She listened to the words Hoobastank, sang in their song, "The Reason," and she felt the empty void in her heart only grow bigger.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

There was so much over the last four years she wished she could take back. So many times when she wished she'd kissed Woody rather then get distracted. She wished she'd taken his ring. She wished she'd fought harder to stay at his side when he was shot. She wished she could have told him how she really felt and not hid behind her emotional wall. She wished so much that he could know the true tormented feelings that pulled at her heart and not her cold practiced feelings she used as protection. However, she's not perfect and she can't take back what has already been done.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is you_

Instead she slowly changed and learned from those mistakes. Unfortunately her biggest change came when it was too late, when the bullet was already buried deep within Woody's abdomen and he tossed her away in his own rage and self pity. She had decided that it was time to start over but he was no longer by her side.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear_

She knew she'd hurt him. She knew all the times when she'd given her friendship speech and when she had placed the ring box back into his hand, she'd hurt him. She knew she took advantage of him in their relationship but she was willing to change, to take back everything, if he would just come back to her.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is You_

He was the reason she would change. She hadn't even been able to change for her own father but for another chance at Woody's heart, she would do anything. He had been so important to her, if only she'd realized before he was shot.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

Maybe it is too late. Maybe she should just try to learn from her mistakes and try not to commit them again, in her relationship with Pollack. However, his confession of love frightened her. Those simple words meant so much, they meant she'd be giving up Woody and everything they could ever have.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is you_

She looked at him, at the dark, tired circles beneath his eyes. She looked at the new, defined lines around his eyes and mouth. They aged him. His shooting had changed him completely. It had killed her Farmboy and left her with a cold, detached man. Lately he'd seemed to change once again, this time someone knew, someone better, but someone still haunted by their past.

_I've found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do_

_And the reason is you_

If only he knew how much she still loved him. If only she had the courage to tell him. If only they could fight against the circumstances against them and finally just be together, like they were meant to be. However, in real life and in the real world, there are no fairytales, only pain, temporary love and broken hearts. Broken hearts, from which, they both could not heal.


	15. Let's Get It On

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan, nor do I own "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye.**

**A/N: Maybe Tim Kring wouldn't give this to you, but I will. I have a site here so you can listen to the song while you read it, if you'd like. Go to minibite. com then click on Ebony and then Let's Get It On. ****There is only one chapter with this song. I'll leave it up to you to figure out why. I must thank WIWJ for her brilliant editing with this chapter. Trust me, you wouldn't want me writing a love scene by myself. **

Let's Get It On – Jordan and Woody's POV

He had spent an entire night in the same bed as Jordan Cavanaugh. Each time he had taken a breath, he had been tormented by the scent of her perfume and shampoo. He had attempted to sleep and the one time he had had success, his dreams had been worse then lying awake beside her.

He could feel the blood flowing south and he was powerless to stop it. He could only thank God that Jordan had been asleep and could not read his mind.

He both wanted and dreaded another night with her. He hoped to God that the roads were open so he wouldn't have to suffer through it again. However, a part of him never wanted to leave the Lucy Carver Inn. He felt safe beside her, finally at peace, like this was where he was meant to be.

Jordan had had difficulty sleeping too. It had been a long time since she was that close to him. The smell of him had reminded her of everything they had and every dream that had diminished when he was shot. She had reminded herself that they were over, all night, wanting nothing more than to roll into his arms and taste his lips against hers.

Jordan entered the room and showed him the delectable dinner she had scrounged up at the gift shop.

He offered her moonshine instead. She'd accepted.

As she let the strong liquid settle in her stomach Woody started talking about how much he'd missed them.

She'd made a joke to lighten the mood but had felt the same way. He moved in to hug her. His body was warm and safe. She didn't want to leave his arms.

He kissed her hair, as close as he felt he'd ever get to her again. The smell of her was almost too much for him to take. She kissed his neck in response without thinking about it. The faint brush of her lips against his neck made his senses stand on end. He wanted nothing more than her.

He didn't even think about it as he leaned in to kiss her. She'd responded. She had forgotten how good it felt to kiss him.

She slowly wrapped her legs around him and he laid her down on the bed so that he was above her. She slid her tongue into his mouth. Woody suddenly pulled away.

"What?" she'd asked quietly, fearing he'd come out from under what ever spell they were on.

"The door is wide open," he said breathlessly.

"Oh," she muttered. He slowly untangled himself from her and closed the door, stopping to look at her for a second. "Come back to bed."

"Are you sure you?" He asked, his eyes burning into hers.

"Quite," she responded, flipping on the radio.

"Let's Get It On," by Marvin Gaye filled the air between them, sending them into a fit of laughter as he dropped back onto the bed. He smiled at her with a small shake of his head as he reclaimed her lips. Her hand snaked around him to the lamp as he started pulling at the edges of her shirt.

_I've been really tryin', baby__  
__Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long__  
__And if you feel like I feel, baby__  
__Then come on, oh, come on__  
__Whoo, let's get it on__  
__Ah, babe, let's get it on__  
__Let's love, baby__  
__Let's get it on, sugar__  
__Let's get it on__  
__Whoo-ooh-ooh_

He watched her shirt go flying across the room and laughed. He held her eyes as his hand slid down from her shoulder to her breast and second base was his. He cupped it in his hand and stroked the nipple with his thumb hearing her moan, running her hands through his messy hair.

He pulled away pulling his own shirt off, coming back down to find his mouth with hers.

She reached out to his pants and slowly unbuttoned them, lingering longer than needed as torture. Coy Jordan was back, he mused before she moved his pants down his body with her feet. He chuckled a little as he slid his hands smoothly down her stomach, feeling her buck against him as he moved past her belly button. He reached for the top of her jeans and undid them quickly so that he could pull them off.

He reached down to the red lace that she called underwear and smiled.

_We're all sensitive people__  
__With so much to give__  
__Understand me, sugar__  
__Since we got to be__  
__Let's live__  
__I love you_

She pulled his boxers down with her toes and smiled at the effect she had on him. He slid his hand up her inner thigh. She moaned his name, moving forward until he was on his back and she could straddle him. He let his hands glide her stomach, around to her back, and back down.

"God you're beautiful," he whispered.

She flashed him a coy smile as she ground her hips against him. He gasped at the sensation before resuming control and flipping her back over. He planted a tender kiss on her lips. It was soft and passionate at first, giving way to one of pure need and desire.

_There's nothin' wrong__  
__With me lovin' you__  
__Baby, no, no__  
__And givin' yourself to me can never be wrong__  
__If the love is true__  
__Oh, babe, ooh, ooh_

He slid his hand up her thigh again but this time didn't stop. She moaned as he touched her and slid her own hand down to him, feeling the strength of his body under her touch.

He slid his finger inside and her whole body trembled with pleasure as he began to work in small circles around her center.

He smiled as she moaned his name and god in the same sentence.

He moved his lips to hers parting her willing lips with his tongue. She bucked against him as more pleasure surged through her body with a tiny whimper. He laughed.

_Don't you know__  
__How sweet and wonderful life can be?__  
__Whoo-ooh__  
__I'm askin' you, baby__  
__To get it on with me__  
__Ooh, ooh, ooh_

She wrapped her legs around him more tightly. She ached for him now. She ached for him to be inside of her, for them to finally have this. He watched her eyes plead with him.

"I waited four years Jordan, you can wait for this," he whispered.

"Trying to kill me Farmboy?" she said with a large smile.

"You can take it Cavanaugh." She used her legs to pull him tighter against her. He took one of her nipples in his mouth, pressing his lips around it firmly before pulling it towards him. She whimpered again as he lifted himself away from her slightly.

"I want you inside of me," she begged. "We've waited long enough. Please?"

He fought the urge to give in pulling back and kissing his way down her body. She moaned again as his lips grazed her thigh. He pressed her back against the bed, slipping her legs apart with his thumbs.

_I ain't gonna worry, I ain't gonna push__  
__Won't push you, baby__  
__So come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, baby__  
__Stop beatin' 'round the bush, hey_

She gasped out his name in short bursts as her body strained and shuttered under his hot breath. It had never been like this with anyone else and as much as she'd known that would be the case with him, it still surprised her. She yearned for him now, every bit of him.

"Now?" Her voice was pleading.

"Jordan Cavanaugh begging?" he asked quizzically.

"I want you to fuck me." She wrapped her legs around his torso and pulled him tightly against her. The sensation almost pushed him over the edge.

"Demanding aren't we?" He teased, groaning as she pressed her hips against his groin with increasing urgency.

"Who knew you were such a sex god"

"Well in that case…" he said with a smile, positioning himself so that he could slide inside of her. "You sure you want it?"

"Oh, I want it Farmboy," she breathed grasping his shoulders as he slipped inside of her. All conscious thought left his body when she cried out for him.

Everything they felt for each other, every bit of passion melted into that moment that they had fought for so long. He loved her and she loved him. No phones rang to pull them apart, nothing was around to stop them, they could finally just be together. They had honestly become one.

_Let's get it on, ooh, ooh__  
__Let's get it on__  
__You know what I'm talkin' 'bout__  
__Come on, baby, hey, hey__  
__Let your love come out__  
__If you believe in love__  
__Let's get it on, ooh, ooh__  
__Let's get it on, baby__  
__This minute, oh yeah__  
__Let's get it on__  
__Please, please, get it on__  
__Hey, hey_

She rocked her hips against him and he leaned down and captured her lips with his, devouring her hungrily. Nothing had ever felt so right and so wrong at the same time. He knew she was still with Pollack but he had waited almost five years for this. He loved her, he knew he did. She loved him as well and she bit her tongue to keep from screaming it aloud for the entire bed and breakfast to hear. She wanted to scream it as he moved rhythmically inside of her. Everything in their lives had brought them to this point and for a moment it all finally made sense.

_Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, darlin'__  
__Stop beatin' 'round the bush, hey_

Woody had dreamt of this moment, over and over, he had given up hope and yet here they were. He was making love to Jordan Cavanaugh. The person he feared couldn't love him. Maybe she couldn't but right now, all that mattered to him was that he loved her.

She moaned as he penetrated deeper within her. She bit the words back on her tongue. Fearing the words she needed him to hear. He found her mouth again, taking the words with him into his. He knew. He had to know what she'd said to him all those months ago was real.

She would never again deny she loved him. Later she would wish it could have happened before Pollack got involved. She knew she'd hurt him but being with Woody just felt so right. Later she would feel guilty, but now she just felt love for him. She'd never deny it again.

_Gonna get it on__  
__Beggin' you, baby, I want to get it on__  
__You don't have to worry that it's wrong__  
__If the spirit moves you, let me groove you good__  
__Let your love come down__  
__Oh, get it on, come on, baby_

Several moments after the song came to an end, Woody let himself go inside of her. Her hands clawing at his shoulders crying out in release

No words of love were spoken but the passion of that moment said it all.


	16. Don't Want to Miss a Thing Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan. **

Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Woody's POV

Woody couldn't believe what had just occurred between him and Jordan. He lay on the lumpy mattress, still entangled with Jordan's sweating body. He ran his finger up her spine and watched her shiver from his touch. What had occurred between them had been magical, everything he had dreamed about and more. They still had not spoken, since they'd come together. He listened to her ragged breathing as she tried to come down from the high Woody had put her on. The music was still playing and as he listened to the song that was coming on, he couldn't help but smile. The voice of Aerosmith filled the room with their song, "Don't Want to Miss A Thing."

_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
Far away and dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Well, every moment spent with you  
Is a moment I treasure  
_

He had never felt more at peace in his entire life. He was afraid to close his eyes and face the reality that when they went home, the magic would be gone. He didn't want to let her go and lose her again. He didn't want to go back to the loneliness he'd felt after his shooting, especially now that he and Jordan were finally where they should have been four years ago.

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

He pulled her tighter against him and was surprised when she didn't resist. He couldn't wipe the smile from his face as he realized that maybe they finally had a chance. He kissed her hair as he thought about the future they just might have.

_Lying close to you  
Feeling your heart beating  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
And I just wanna stay with you  
In this moment forever, forever and ever  
_

This was exactly where he wanted to be. He couldn't ask for anything else. To him this was perfection. However, reality started to worm its way into his conscious. What would happen when they returned to Boston? When Jordan returned to see Pollack? He couldn't think about this now. He didn't want to spoil the magic of the moment.

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
_

He ached to tell her he loved her, but he thought better of it. That would just remind her that Pollack had just uttered those words two days before. He was terrified he'd do something to scare her away. He was afraid if he closed his eyes, he'd wake up and this would all be a dream.

_I don't wanna miss one smile  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
Well, I just wanna be with you  
Right here with you, just like this  
I just wanna hold you close  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
And stay here in this moment  
For all the rest of time_

He pressed his lips into the flesh of her bare shoulder. He then moved her hair with his hand and kissed her neck. He felt her shiver again and lean into him. He smiled. He never wanted to let her go again. He thought back to LA. He just needed to hold her tighter.

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
_

He had missed her after his shooting. He had missed her company, her sick sense of humour, the times they'd go jogging but mostly, just her. Now was his chance to have her back. To have everything he had dreamt about since she'd first insulted his tie.

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
_

He pulled her onto her back and positioned himself so he was above her. He kissed her again and she responded. "What are you doing Farmboy?" she asked throatily.

"Well, I can explain it, but I thought from what we just did that you already understood."

She smiled and pressed herself against him. His mouth found hers again.

If this wasn't going to last, he was at least going to enjoy it.

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah  
I don't wanna miss a thing_


	17. Don't Want to Miss a Thing Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

**A/N: Well thanks to NBC it looks like I just might have a chance to complete this story before the premiere. For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, Crossing Jordan is no longer premiering on October 20th. It currently does not have a time slot.**

Don't Want to Miss a Thing – Jordan's POV

Jordan looked down at Woody's muscular arm that was wrapped around her bare waist. She had never felt such a sense of security before. What they had just done had been magical. It had been everything she had thought it would be with them and even more. His touch had driven her wild and made her heart rate speed up intensely. She shivered as he slid his finger up her spine. She could still hear the radio and she listened as a new song started playing. It was Aerosmith with their song, "Don't Want To Miss A Thing."

_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
Far away and dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Well, every moment spent with you  
Is a moment I treasure_

She had missed him so much she had physically ached after he had been shot. This moment could be the beginning of everything or the ending to a love affair that would never be happily ever after. She didn't know which direction this was going to go. Her and Pollack were in a relationship but her and Woody had something more then that. They had a connection that she could never feel with any other man. She wished this moment would never end, that they'd never have to return to Boston and face their actions.

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

She felt his arm pull her closer to him and it felt so right. The alarms didn't go off in her head, this time. Nothing told her to run away. For once, she felt at peace. However, she couldn't get the picture of Pollack's face out of her mind. She smiled when Woody kissed her hair. Why did they have to return to Boston?

_Lying close to you  
Feeling your heart beating  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together  
And I just wanna stay with you  
In this moment forever, forever and ever_

She knew she was going to hurt Pollack but she also knew deep down, he'd been her rebound. She didn't want to give up on her and Woody when they finally had a chance.

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

She wished that she had the courage to repeat the words she'd said in the hospital. She wished so much she could tell him that she loved him. She was too scared of his rejection. It had hurt too much.

_I don't wanna miss one smile  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
Well, I just wanna be with you  
Right here with you, just like this  
I just wanna hold you close  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
And stay here in this moment  
For all the rest of time_

She shivered as Woody kissed her shoulder and then moved to her neck. She didn't want to ever leave his arms again. She wanted him to hold her tighter.

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

She didn't want to think anymore about Boston. They weren't in Boston. She wanted to be with Woody, to live out this fantasy that had lingered in her mind for the last four years.

_I don't wanna close my eyes  
I don't wanna fall asleep  
'Cause I'd miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Cause even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream will never do  
I'd still miss you, babe  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

She rolled onto her back, as Woody pulled on her shoulder. She smiled as she looked up into his face. He leaned down and kissed her. "What are you doing Farmboy?"

"Well I can explain it, but I thought from what we just did that you already understood," he had responded back playfully.

She smiled at him again as he leaned in to her kiss her. She didn't ever want to leave this bed again.

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah  
I don't wanna miss a thing_


	18. The Other Man Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan, nor do I own "The Other Man," by Sloan.**

**A/N: Unfortunately we must return to angst. Don't blame me, blame the writers. I'm only following the season. I'm not sure when we will return to fluff but I won't let it end the way the writer's have ended the season. Just bear with me….**

The Other Man – Woody's POV

The winter's dream had come to an end as Jordan and Woody were met with reality, as they returned to Boston. As expected, they parted ways, rationalizing that they didn't have time to deal with each other and their feelings because of the case they were working on. They wanted to acknowledge this, to face it but they were scared, they were scared to face the elephant in the room.

Woody had been in the staff room at the morgue in search of something to drink. Nigel had entered the room and asked Woody why he was there. They talked, Woody had asked for advice about waiting for women and Nigel had commented that he had expected Jordan to say no and not even consider marriage. By the look on Woody's face, Nigel realized they were talking about two very different situations. Nigel didn't know what to do, he wanted to take it back, especially when his eyes met Woody's and he could see the pain floating within his irises.

Woody left and went to his car. He turned it on and started to drive, going no where in particular but trying to clear his head. He turned on the radio for a much needed distraction, however, he had a feeling, "The Other Man," by Sloan, was not the distraction he'd been looking for.

_You know he's not the one for you  
But that's no fault of mine  
He knows that I'm a friend of yours  
But doesn't know I've crossed the line  
I know you've got a man in the picture  
But it hasn't stopped me yet  
We've all been in one situation or another  
We regret_

Pollack had suddenly become human. He wasn't just some guy after Jordan; he was some guy who loved Jordan. He thought about how he would feel in the same situation and he knew what he'd done was wrong. That no matter what was between him and Jordan adultery was wrong.

_Now I'm the other man  
No one's rooting for me  
If I'm the other man  
Nature will abhor me  
_

What would people think of him now? Sleeping with some other guy's girlfriend? He knew he had loved Jordan for a very long time, much longer then she'd even known Pollack, but she was still in a relationship with Pollack, one in which Pollack had felt was worth moving to another level. Guilt seeped into his conscious and he felt sick over it. He was the other man.

_You know I wanna keep my distance  
'Cause it's happenin' anyway  
He knows you're gonna drift apart  
And there's nothing he can say  
I know that he's a stand up guy  
But that's none of my concern  
We've all been in one situation or another  
And it's my turn_

Woody hadn't thought much of Pollack, especially after the story written about himself, in the paper. He would go as far as saying he heartily disliked Pollack, but like him or not, Jordan was with him for some reason or another. He would give anything to have with Jordan what, its obvious, Pollack does. He realized they couldn't ever have anything more than a one night stand.

_To be the other man  
No one sympathises  
When you're the other man  
Everyone despises  
_

He had always seen himself and Jordan as something similar to soul mates, brought together time and time again, regardless of the circumstance. He remembered his ring and Jordan's rejection. Pollack was going to get everything he'd ever wanted. He recalled his argument with Jordan before his shooting. "I only said that because I knew you'd never be able to say what I wanted you to say. It just never occurred to me that you'd find some other guy and say it to him." Pollack was that guy, the one, Woody had always wanted to be for her. The one she would want to be with her.

_He's gonna find out that the rumours are true  
Though they are still unbeknownst to you  
He'll find out so I'll tell you because  
You gotta find out before he does_

Woody scrubbed the tears from his eyes. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't play games. He was tired, exhausted and he knew he could not take another round of her issues, not without hope. The magic of Littleton died, as he realized it would never happen again.


	19. The Other Man Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan, nor do I own "The Other Man," by Sloan.**

The Other Man – Jordan's POV

Jordan had feared leaving her snowy fairytale in Littleton to return to Boston and of course reality. She hadn't wanted to part ways with Woody when she had dropped him off but she knew, such was life. She had returned to the morgue and tried to make sense of how she could deal with JD. Deep down she knew Woody was who she wanted. She just hoped JD would understand.

Her head ached and she was tired of waiting for results so she flipped on the radio. "The Other Man," by Sloan, started playing and she frowned with how much she felt it mirrored her own life. Torn between two men, the one she belonged with and the one who had helped her though one of the roughest times in her life.

_You know he's not the one for you  
But that's no fault of mine  
He knows that I'm a friend of yours  
But doesn't know I've crossed the line  
I know you've got a man in the picture  
But it hasn't stopped me yet  
We've all been in one situation or another  
We regret_

JD was a great guy and had been wonderful in the aftermath of Woody's shooting. She knew he played a big part in her getting over what Woody's rejection had done to her, but she belonged with Woody. He was the man who had chased her for four years, who had bailed her out of jail and killed people to protect her. Woody would always be her prince charming.

_Now I'm the other man  
No one's rooting for me  
If I'm the other man  
Nature will abhor me  
_

JD was the other man, the one who she had turned to in a time of need and now no longer needed. When he admitted he loved her, she hadn't been able to say it back because she knew it wasn't true. Deep down, she knew the only man she could ever love, so selflessly, so completely, was Woody Hoyt.

_You know I wanna keep my distance  
'Cause it's happenin' anyway  
He knows you're gonna drift apart  
And there's nothing he can say  
I know that he's a stand up guy  
But that's none of my concern   
We've all been in one situation or another  
And it's my turn_

She knew sleeping with Woody while still with JD was wrong. She felt so guilty for doing that to him, no one deserved that. Then the thought hit her. Had she become her mother?

_To be the other man  
No one sympathises  
When you're the other man   
Everyone despises  
_

She tried to push the thought from her mind. It was different, she wasn't married to JD. Technically she didn't belong to JD. She didn't love JD but she was still with him, while she jumped in the sack with Woody. Other man or not, he didn't deserve that.

_He's gonna find out that the rumours are true  
Though they are still unbeknownst to you  
He'll find out so I'll tell you because  
You gotta find out before he does_

She had to tell him before he found out. She had to deal with this now but all she really wanted to do was go back to the Lucy Carver Inn and let Woody show her one more time what love could really be like. She knew JD deserved her honesty, no matter how much it would hurt him, he had a right to know.


	20. Unfaithful Jordan's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan, nor do I own 'Unfaithful' by Rhianna**

**A/N: I know this chapter took forever, but it took me a long time to find lyrics in a song that would work for this part of the story. I finally found them in Rhianna's 'Unfaithful'. I don't even really like this song, but it works, so I'm using it. **

Unfaithful

Jordan invited Pollack into her apartment after finding him in the hallway by her door. She hadn't had a chance to tell him about her night with Woody, but she was ready to. It was time he knew.

She opened her mouth to explain and he told her that he already knew. That had shocked her. Then he asked if she is willing to give their relationship a chance, as long as her night with Woody meant nothing. He left her to contemplate what he'd said.

She had planned to end things but her fear of breaking his heart held her back. She let him leave and then she turned on her radio and listened to Rhianna's 'Unfaithful,' as she filled her glass with wine.

_Story of my life  
Searching for the right  
But it keeps avoiding me  
Sorrow in my soul  
Cause it seems that wrong  
Really loves my company_

The words struck her as she dropped her exhausted body onto the couch. She had screwed up by sleeping with Woody before breaking up with Pollack. However, it wasn't like it was planned, they had both let one thing lead to another. She knew that she was lying to herself because they both had plenty of time to stop it. She knew she was cheating on Pollack, but she had wanted Woody that night and she gave in. Now she was as bad as her mother. The thought made her sick.

_He's more than a man  
And this is more than love  
The reason that the sky is blue  
The clouds are rolling in  
Because I'm gone again  
And to him I just can't be true  
_

However Woody was more than just some guy she picked up in a bar. He was her best friend, her soul mate, the man that could provide her with a life both her parents would be proud of. She loved him completely. She wanted to be with Woody, not Pollack, so why couldn't she just break up with Pollack and go back to the man she was meant to be with?

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying_

She knew she had hurt Pollack, but she had also hurt Woody. He may have pushed her away after he was shot, but she knew he was struggling to overcome such a traumatic experience. She had seen the expressions of hurt Woody displayed whenever he walked into a room with her and Pollack.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer_

She needed to tell Pollack now, before he got more hurt than he already was. She saw the pain in his eyes when he confessed that he knew about her night with Woody. She couldn't go on hurting him, or giving him false hope, she would never be able to love him the way she does Woody. That is just something he needed to understand so he could move on and Jordan could expunge the guilt she felt about her affair.

_I feel it in the air  
As I'm doing my hair  
Preparing for another date  
A kiss upon my cheek  
As he reluctantly  
Asks if I'm gonna be out late  
I say I won't be long  
Just hanging with the girls  
A lie I didn't have to tell  
Because we both know  
Where I'm about to go  
And we know it very well_

He had trusted her with Woody while they were in Littleton. She felt horrible for letting him down and momentarily wondered if she would also let Woody down as soon as she let him in. That thought terrified her. She suddenly felt like damaged goods and wasn't sure if she should give herself the opportunity to also break Woody's heart.

_Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying  
_

She didn't want Woody to experience the anguish that Pollack was obviously suffering from. She knew how much it hurt him but it didn't have to anymore. All she had to do was end things with Pollack and then, she and Woody were free to finally have the relationship they should have had years before.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer  
_

She didn't understand why it was all so complicated. She brushed away the tears and decided the longer she held out, the harder it would be and the more pain Pollack would be in.

_Our love, his trust  
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head  
Get it over with  
I don't wanna do this  
Anymore  
Uh  
Anymore (anymore)_

She drank the final drops of wine in her glass and lifted the phone to dial Pollack's cell number. Her hands trembled above the numbers. She couldn't do it.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
And everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer (a murderer)  
_

She realized once it was done, her and Woody would be permanent. That thought scared her so much. She had to make sure she was ready to push away Pollack and give herself completely to Woody because there was no going back. She decided to spend one night with her wine and then the next morning, she would clear everything up and ensure she and Woody were free to be together.


	21. Unfaithful Woody's POV

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.**

Unfaithful – Woody's POV

Woody leaned his head back as he dropped onto his plush sofa. He poured his beer down his throat and tried to wash away his memories of the day. He couldn't forget holding Jordan in his arms as he reenacted the crime scene. It had felt so right and so wrong at the same time, just like their night at the inn. Sleeping with Jordan had been amazing, his fantasies fulfilled but something terrified him deep down. He feared Jordan was going to be so afraid of Pollack's proposal that she'd turn them both away, or maybe things with Pollack were more real than he realized. Maybe all he'd ever have with Jordan was one passionate torrid affair while snowed in at the Lucy Carver Inn.

To take his mind off what he stood to lose, he flipped on the radio and didn't have the energy to change the song as his apartment flooded with "Unfaithful," by Rhianna.

_Story of my life  
Searching for the right  
But it keeps avoiding me  
Sorrow in my soul  
Cause it seems that wrong  
Really loves my company_

He knew sleeping with Jordan was wrong. She was already with a guy and he could only imagine what he would feel in Pollack's position. Loving Jordan wasn't easy but when you did, you never wanted to let her go. He knew they had screwed up, that this night could only push their relationship back further than ever before.

_He's more than a man  
And this is more than love  
The reason that the sky is blue  
The clouds are rolling in  
Because I'm gone again  
And to him I just can't be true_

Pollack had been the man she let in. After all of the years Woody had tried to be more than her friend it had taken Pollack no time at all to warm her bed. Maybe it was less about her fear and more that she just didn't love him. Woody felt sick at the thought. He wasn't the man for her.

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying  
_

Woody couldn't help but bring Pollack into the equation. He couldn't help but share Pollack's pain at never being able to love Jordan. The pain was unbearable as it spread across his chest. He felt like he was suffocating, like he was slowly dying.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer_

He momentarily wondered if Jordan was telling Pollack the truth right then or if she was still living this lie. He wondered if she would ever come forward and tell Pollack or if she would forget the night they shared and marry Pollack. Woody opened another bottle of beer and poured it down his throat as a further attempt to forget his pain.

_I feel it in the air  
As I'm doing my hair  
Preparing for another date  
A kiss upon my cheek  
As he reluctantly  
Asks if I'm gonna be out late  
I say I won't be long  
Just hanging with the girls  
A lie I didn't have to tell  
Because we both know  
Where I'm about to go  
And we know it very well_

He then wondered if maybe Jordan just wanted to stay with Pollack and keep Woody on the side. He had no idea where he ranked with Jordan anymore, but he was beginning to think it wasn't very high.

_Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
And it kills him inside  
To know that I am happy with some other guy  
I can see him dying  
_

Woody refused to believe that was the reality. He would not be Jordan's partner in some illicit affair. He wanted more with her. He wanted to be number one; the reason she got out of bed in the morning. He decided he'd accept nothing less than Jordan's full self.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer_

He did wonder though about how he would feel if she didn't choose him. He wondered what it would be like to completely let her go and have to move on. He considered transferring departments. He didn't think he could be around her like this.

_Our love, his trust  
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head  
Get it over with  
I don't wanna do this  
Anymore  
Uh  
Anymore (anymore)_

He felt so physically ill. He almost felt as though Jordan were killing him with her indecision. Everything between them was suddenly fading away.

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
And everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer (a murderer)  
_

He finished the beer in his hand and opened another. He needed to do something to ease the pain. He wanted Jordan so much, but he needed her to want him just as fully. He shut off the radio and let himself fall asleep on the couch, still contemplating what had become of his life.


End file.
